Imagine you’re at work, and your manager approaches you after overhearing your interaction with a patient on the phone.
Scenario 1
“I just overheard your interaction with that patient over the telephone, and I think it could have been improved by you saying ‘this’ instead of ‘that’.”
Scenario 2
“I just overheard your interaction with that patient over the telephone, and I think it could have been improved by you saying ‘this’ instead of ‘that’. What are your thoughts about what I have just said?“
Which approach would result in a better outcome?
In the first scenario, the statement feels final. The feedback is delivered as a one-sided directive, leaving no room for your perspective. Even if the manager’s intention is constructive, you might feel defensive, unheard, or disengaged.
In the second scenario, the manager opens the door for a conversation. The question invites your input, giving you the space to share your thought process, explain any context they might have missed, or even agree and explore how to improve together. The dynamic shifts from top-down instruction to mutual discussion.
The question, “What are your thoughts about what I have just said?” is a powerful one. Here are a few reasons why.
It Turns a Monologue Into a Dialogue
Instead of just receiving feedback, the other person becomes an active participant in the conversation.
It Encourages Respect and Understanding
Rather than assuming you know the full picture, this question acknowledges that the other person’s perspective matters.
It Reveals a Bigger Picture
Feedback is often based on limited information. Inviting the other person to speak may uncover important details you hadn’t considered.
It Strengthens Trust and Provides Inherent Validation
By remaining silent after asking the question- without interrupting or passing judgment – you allow the other person to feel genuinely heard and valued.
It Leads to Better Outcomes
When both people contribute to the conversation, the outcome is more likely to be accepted, understood, and acted upon. The person receiving feedback feels ownership rather than simply being told what to do.
This simple shift isn’t just useful in the workplace—it applies to friendships, family discussions, and any situation where understanding and respect are important.
Next time you give feedback, try asking:
“What are your thoughts about what I have just said?”
Then, be quiet. Let them speak.
You might be surprised by how much more productive, insightful, and meaningful your conversations become.